This is the Clutter Path, a compass for midlife. Every new year we make plans to create new habits and establish goals, but by February, most have fallen by the wayside. Here's the truth: you can't change your life by sheer force of will. You can only change when you think differently. Now, behaviors and habits change when we start with our minds. So there are four books I read this past year that really changed how I think about the areas of money, self-improvement, and relationships. I'd like to share those with you. And if you stick around to the end, I've got a bonus tip on how to apply what you've learned so that it changes you. Let's get started. The first book teaches you how to build wealth. It's called The Simple Path to Wealth by J.L. Collins. It was recommended to me by a close friend whose family is literally in the stock trading business. Now, these are folks that have seats on the stock exchanges and they actually execute the trades when investors buy and sell stocks. I figured that if this guy recommended the simple path to wealth, I should pay attention. Now, I bought the book thinking it would simply reinforce what I already knew, but it really opened my eyes and it caused me to completely change how I'm investing for retirement. So what's in the book? It's essentially a no-frills roadmap to financial independence that anybody can follow. J.L. Collins originally wrote this book for his daughter. He wanted to teach her lessons that he learned the hard way. He wanted to give her a simple, hands-off approach to investing that outperforms all these high-paid Wall Street fund managers. He learned his lessons the hard way by losing a lot of money in real estate and trying to pick his own stocks. And he eventually started investing in index funds. Now, at first glance, it just sounds boring, but there are some things in the book that he covers that I want to bring to your attention. He starts with the history of the stock market and the gains that long-term investors have realized, even through the big crashes. He also talks about the money that we pay to investment advisors, it ends up adding up to a lot of money over the years. And then he gives simple explanations of the various retirement accounts, things like 401ks, 403Bs, TSPs, and Roth IRAs. He just breaks that down simply so that we can understand it. And he then recommends only two index funds to build your wealth. And he wants you to approach this with a set it and forget it manner. Now, here's one of the biggest takeaways from the book. Any investment advisor who tries to paint this picture of investing as this complex maze that you couldn't possibly understand, he might just be trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Now, any investment advice that's hard to understand, it's usually not good advice. And J.L. Collins, he just breaks it all down Barney style so that everybody can understand. The second book lays out concepts of mental mastery and how we can create a meaningful life. It's called Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy. To help explain a major premise of the book, I'd like to share a quote from Dr. Jordan Peterson. And he says this one of the things that personality and clinical psychologists know is that narrow self-concern and misery are identical. And then he goes on to say that any ideology that enhances narrow self-consciousness, it just creates negative emotion. End of quote. Now, Jim Murphy doesn't mention Jordan Peterson in his book, but he presents this concept as a very simple choice for everyone. We can choose a narrow self-concern and be miserable, or we can choose to live a life based on love, wisdom, and courage. He includes a diagram that he calls the life diamond, and it just lays out the natural outworkings of each choice. First off, when we choose a self-centered life, our vision is limited, our growth is stunted, and our failures are magnified in our own minds. And from there, we just become self-conscious, and that that causes us to constantly compare ourselves to others, and we become afraid of just not measuring up. And at some point, our ego gets amplified, and our identity gets wrapped up in things like our possessions, our achievements, looks, money, or maybe even our status. And then our minds start to toy with us. The inner critic emerges, it comes out, and we just endlessly focus on the past and the future. And the end of the road is doubt, anxiety, frustration, and ultimately we're just living in fear. Now, by contrast, the second choice is a life lived with love, wisdom, and courage. When we choose this path, we engage others from the heart, and then our vision is expanded beyond our just narrow self-interests, and we become unselfish. At this point, our heart, mind, and body are all engaged working together, and ultimately we live for a purpose beyond ourselves. That offers us just a rich, fulfilling, and abundant life. And Jim uses that life diamond to give practical tips that I've incorporated into my daily meditations. I benefited a lot from this book, so I highly recommend it. The third book is about getting more enjoyment out of life. It's called The Inside Out Revolution by Michael Neal. Now, the core claim of this book is this your experience of life comes from the inside, not from the outside. So, in other words, it's your thoughts, not your circumstances, that create your reality. And he lays out some concepts here. First off, reality is driven by our thoughts. You don't experience the world directly. Instead, you experience your thoughts about the world. Now the author disagrees with this outside in concept where we think the outside world drives our feelings. He believes that it's our thinking that determines our feelings, whether they be positive or negative. The second concept is you can't become more peaceful or happy by changing circumstances. And chasing external fixes, they just don't help at all. Another concept here: thoughts are temporary and they're not who you are. The problem is not negative thoughts, but the belief that they define who you are as a person. You can't control what thoughts emerge, but you can stop believing that every one of them is true. Another concept here is that the author values insight over effort. And he points out that real change happens when we learn how our mind works, not through willpower or any mental techniques. And then he summarizes it finally in three principles that he calls mind, consciousness, and thought. The mind, that's the universal intelligence behind life. Consciousness, that's your capacity to be aware. And then thoughts, those are the raw materials that create your personal experience in life. Now, overall, the book is just a realistic view of how our minds work. There's nothing magical or mystical about it. It's just really a common sense approach to dealing with mental turbulence and how how we face anxiety so that we can, we ultimately want to reach a deeper baseline level of calm. The fourth book offers up real strategies to heal, communicate, and connect deeply with our partners. It's about relationships. And the book is called Marriage First Aid, written by Bryce Kay. Now, there's a lot going on in this book, and it's very technical, but one of the most valuable concepts I learned is this good relationships are not based on love. Instead, they're based on integrity. Now, most people think it's the opposite. They think that a good relationship is based on warm sentimental affection, but scientific research proves otherwise. You see, affection is one result of a solid relationship, but the foundation is integrity. And here's how that works. If we want to have safety and bonding in a relationship, each partner needs to be solidly grounded within themselves in three key areas. The first area is emotional resources. Now, these are values or virtues that get imprinted on us by interacting with others in meaningful relationships. Now, to put it another way, positive interactions imprint virtues and truth and value and just basic meaning in life. Interacting with loving parents or maybe mentors that helps us to build these emotional resources. Now, people who've built their own emotional resources can deal with disagreements in relationships in a healthy manner and they're not easily overwhelmed by circumstances. The second concept is integration. This refers to the different parts of our brain and memory system working well together in a coordinated fashion. Now, people who are well integrated have an ability to activate useful memories that they need for a particular situation. If you're not well integrated, you often find yourself unable to deal with difficult circumstances. An example of a well-integrated person is somebody who has the capacity to face harsh conditions without giving up. The third concept related to integrity is the word autonomy. Now, this refers to an ability to maintain your own distinct identity. In relationships, when you lack autonomy, you get the feeling that you just don't know who you are anymore. Now, these three areas: emotional resources, integration, and autonomy, they're the building blocks of what the author calls integrity. And it's vital for couples to build strong relationships. It's something I'm applying to my own marriage, and I've really found it useful. So let me let me give you a word of caution here. If you're having relationship problems, now books can be a good reference point, but you may need a marriage therapist to help you and your partner apply the concepts. So just be wary of that. And now for the bonus, I've got a fifth book to recommend. It's called The Bullet Journal Method by Writer Carroll. You see, there's just no end to the number of books and videos on the market telling us how we can make more money, be productive, and live better lives. But there's a lot of noise out there. And amidst all that noise, we find truths that we really want to apply to our lives, and we need a way to do that. And in order to avoid losing these nuggets of wisdom, we need a way to revisit and meditate on the concepts we're learning so that it just basically rewires our brains. And this is how we experience real lasting change in our lives. So the bullet journal method is a productivity and mindfulness system that really helps you plan and organize your life, and it's broken down into three parts. Part one, it's the system itself. That's the basic mechanics of bullet journaling. Now it's flexible, so you just do what works best for you. But basically, you come up with your own system for logging your life in a journal in a very intentional way. Part two of the book is the practice. So this is where you take the method that you've developed in part one and you make it your own personal habit. For personal growth, this system is going to help you reflect on life and and things you're learning so that you can grow. And for daily life, the system it really helps you think and prioritize rather than just mindlessly reacting to everything. And part three is the art. Now, this is where the bullet journal method shines. It helps you create meaning in your life, and it just basically allows you to align your daily actions with your values and the goals you've set for yourself. And the net result is just you end up consciously designing the life that you want. Now, I've personally read the five books mentioned in this video, and together they've changed the way I think about money, self-improvement, and relationships. Now, we're including links in the description here. Purchasing through these links, it helps us out at no additional cost to you. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving us a review. From the Cluttered Path Podcast, we wish you all the best and a happy new year. See you on the past.